After a year and a half hiatus, I decided to start working again. As if my days as a SAHM weren’t already a cluster of responsibilities I thought I’d add something else to my plate. But this, like my blog, is something to call my own. This new venture back in the fashion world has given me purpose; not that my husband & son don’t – they’re my life, but this is different.
I love being able to do something I’m passionate about from the comfort of my home. However, finding a balance between being a SAHM and a working mom wasn’t easy. I hate to admit it, but during my first week I focused solely on myself & onboarding. I was so caught up in my training & meeting goals that I let everything else fall to the wayside. I cancelled play dates & let my son watch way too many cartoons, I forgot to finish laundry, dust bunnies invaded the bathrooms and dinner was frozen pizza…I’m not superwoman, but this was not what I had signed up for.
Now, after a few weeks I have finally found my balance. It was hard, but with the help of my AMAZING husband our household is fully functional again! I’ve learned to prioritize, make lists, communicate better & ask for help when needed. My son still gets to go on playdates & field trips, my husband has clean underwear & I get to work from home, win – win!
What is it about bed time that brings out the monster in my son & the witch in me? Throughout the day I’m patient, full of energy and ready to play but by the end of the day my patience is run out, my tank is empty & I’m exhausted. I can’t be the only parent that feels this way…
I wish I could say that my son is a good sleeper, but he’s not and though I’ve become accustom to the sleepless nights it’s the bedtime boxing match that I have a hard time getting used to. Every night I tell myself it’s going to be different, that he’s going to fall asleep on his own & I’ll get to fold laundry or at least relax with my husband. Unfortunately, every night after I lay him down and quietly creep out his room he stands up in his crib and screams until I return to rock him back to sleep. Usually by the fourth or fifth time I start to lose my mind. I hate to admit it but there have been times I’ve yelled back, begged him to lay down and even cried along with him.
I like to think I’m getting better at our bedtime routine. I’ve started to implement easy tricks to help me stay calm like deep breathing & leaving the room when my patience runs dry. I’ve learned the hard way that he can sense my anxiety which in turn upsets him even more & brings out the monster in him.
It’s a work in progress…
There are so many things that I have learned to take for granted as an adult. When did the sunset become boring? When did making meals become a chore? How did I forget how beautiful the flowers, ladybugs & birds are?
Now that I have a child I get the chance to see the world from his eyes and what a curious, wonderful perspective it is! He finds joy & laughter in the things that I have trained myself to overlook which in-turn has helped me to appreciate those things again.
Now that I have a child I get the chance to literally stop & smell the roses. He loves the colors, the textures & the variety of flowers he sees. They make his nose crinkle & his smile grow big.
Now that I have a child I get the opportunity to chase the geese at the park, pick up the ladybugs in the backyard & hold the wooly caterpillar that scurries across the sidewalk.
Now that I have a child I get the joy of waking up in the middle of the night to rock my little man back to sleep. At first these mid-sleep wake up calls were more than annoying, but I have begun to cherish the late night snuggle sessions and the quiet bliss of 2 am.
Now that I have a child I get to wake up at the crack of dawn to experience the morning sunrise; something I have never truly appreciated since waking at 5 or 6 am didn’t exist. My son & I sit in the morning room and gaze at the pinks, reds and yellows of the morning sun – breathtaking.
Now that I have a child preparing dinner & making healthy meals is an exciting adventure, especially since he is captivated by what’s happening in the kitchen. I make fresh breads & applesauce regularly and have experimented with new recipes such as chicken zucchini fritters, stuffed shells and parmesan meatballs.
Since the moment I became a mother my world has been turned upside down; I live in a fast-paced, exhausted, mad world of a toddler & I wouldn’t have it any other way. The love I have for him is unexplainable, it’s just…wonderful.